Broken boilers and frozen brains.


It was last Wednesday evening, and Sam and I were so looking forward to being at home, enjoying some steak and just chilling.

I have taken some me time, I mean I was feeling luxurious, so I had my book and my hair mask and I was wiling away the evening soaking my skin and thinking to myself "dang I need to do this more often!"

Cue hair washing time, and the boiler is blinking at me. Never a good sign. I'm not even kidding when I say I turned the hot tap on and NARNIA CAME OUT OF IT! The boiler is broken. Oh my gosh amongst all the other things we need to pay for, we now have a £2,000 boiler bill on our hands. Fantastic, right?

I meekly call downstairs, interrupt Sam in all his potato peeling glory and ask him to go and put gas on the metre because the boiler can't be broken, right?! Nothing, nada, squat. I call our gas provider. Nothing, on hold for 40 minutes whilst the sweet potato wedges cook in the electric oven and the steak and mushrooms sit lifeless on the side because the gas hob won't work. My hair is still covered in mask at this moment; I'm wearing an old dressing gown and a bathsheet. I'm making mustard butter sauce for the steak. How do I cook this with no gas??

40 minutes later, "oh I'm sorry ma'am, you're through to the electric side of the business not the gas side. I'll transfer you". Oh thanks so much. Wedding music is playing on hold; are they trying to improve my mood or make me cry?

Through to the right team, to Nigel. The steaks are still uncooked. I know! I'll BAKE THEM! Umm, can you bake steak? No. Ok. Let's cook them under the grill with the mushrooms once the wedges are finished. Great idea! No Nigel, my postcode is cM not cN. No it's an easy mistake to make, don't worry.

Great! 3 hours until an engineer can come. What can we do in that time? Wash the mask out with cold water. Hello brain freeze! Shiver and get changed into clean pyjamas, send Sam out to get firewood for the fire in the lounge. Ahhh warmth. Shoot, uncooked steak for dinner it is. You like it rare, right Sam? No? Oops.

So we'll do the laundry, that doesn't take gas. Oh wait. How will we dry it? Screw laundry, lets sit by the fire with a mug of tea. Oh that hob is gas. Ugh.

Gas man appears, a welcome sight. All fixed in under 30 minutes. Tea, biscuits, bed.

Did I tell you I also broke a nail?

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